Back in the day , before the dawning of digital communication , all BS&*# took a very long time to make the rounds . Remember when the grapevine was via word-of-mouth only ? That was followed by the media – and for a long time print was the popular medium for all things juicy and scandalous … Nowadays , the BS&*# clutters up your inbox – in a matter of seconds , at the touch of a button !
So I've come up with my own anti-chain-letter mail !
This letter is for all you obssessive-compulsive-chain-e-mailers ! The original was developed in the 10th century by a Russian scientist . That version was revised and re-written 4 times , during the 12th , 13th , 14th and 15th centuries by an assortment of teachers/scholars , until it went missing in the 16th century . It re-surfaced early in the 20th century and rumour has it , that it returned from space to earth , aboard the Challenger . Please follow this mail to the T . You will receive lots of good fortune if you do so .
This is not a hoax . if you do whatever this mail says you should , you will never experience tax problems ever again . Your personal details will automatically be deleted from the Revenue Services mainframe and you will be exempt from paying taxes , permanently . Natural disasters will drop by at least 50% within the next year . Finally , you will be spotted by Ryan Seacrest and whisked off to the Hollywood studios in America to meet with the top producers , and from there you will be transported to exotic locations around the world with famous reality TV stars Kim and Khloe from the Kardashian family .
The only way that this good fortune is guaranteed , is if you keep this mail for the next 2 years . During the next 2 years , you have to do the following : delete any other chain e-mails you receive ; do not forward any other chain e-mails you receive ; send out this chain mail to somebody who sends you chain mail ; wait until 2 years are up . After 2 years , perform the following "Closure Procedure" :
A. Throw salt over your shoulder .
B. Dance the WAKA WAKA sequence .
C. Drink a concoction named HerbaliciousStubilicious (2Tablespoons at a time)
D. Print this e-mail .
E. Shred this e-mail .
F. Mix 2 eggs , 2 cockroaches , some beetroot , nougat chocolate , mixed veggies , herbs , and the remains of the shredded e-mail into a brew ; boil over a fire for 2 days , 2 hours , 2 minutes and 2 seconds .
G. Remove from fire . Put in the fridge for 2 days , 2 hours , 2 minutes and 2 seconds .
H. Dip your fingers in the mixture every 2 days thereafter (for 22 seconds at a time )
DO NOT IGNORE THIS MAIL . If you do , the continued spreading of the AIDS virus is a definite possibility . You will develop diabetes , malaria , migraines , hepatitis and phalangitis . Furthermore , your long-lost-friend-whom-you-have-been-trying-to-avoid-for-most-of-your-life , will move into the house next door and start an opera class (strictly night-time practise sessions) . He will also visit you at all unearthly hours of the day and night .
A woman who got this mail and continued sending out other chain e-mails , died a horrible , strange death . A 10 litre tin of paint fell off a moving delivery truck and hit her leg while she was riding her bicycle . She lost her balance , the bike veered out of control and hit the car in front . Her body was propelled forward onto a municipal dirt removal truck , and bounced off onto the back of an open-topped flat van which was transporting 5 rottweilers . Need I say more ? Two weeks before the 2010 World Cup kick-off , every Bafana Bafana team player received this e-mail . In the heat of the pre-World Cup excitement , they either ignored or deleted it . The result speaks for itself .
Don't send out those spam chain e-mails and see what the results are !You will be pleasantly surprised to find out that none of their curses will actually materialise . Do note the following : All passengers of the mini bus taxi that crashed last month (killing all 10 passengers) received this mail . They all ignored this mail . Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler carried out this mail's instructions to become American Idol hosts . Every member of the Glee cast , followed the instructions to a T . But Tiger Woods deleted this mail .
DO NOT IGNORE THIS MESSAGE . DO NOT SEND OUT CHAIN E-MAILS .