Tete-`A-Tete

This challenge is from Write On Edge.

                                                                     

Instruction: For Friday I challenge you to write a conversation. But not just any conversation…

Are you ready?

The conversation should be between two people/characters.

Using surroundings, body language, visual cues and blocking, in addition to the spoken words, show us who they are and what their relationship is without coming out and telling us!

Are they lovers? Are they happy or not? A mother and daughter in conflict? Siblings working at cross-purposes or towards a goal? Frenemies, Co-workers?

Let’s do this in 300 words or less. So this is my contribution that weighs in at 226 words. It's a snippet from a story I wrote earlier this year. What is the relationship between the two characters?

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Lee Lombard looked forward to another exciting weekend. It would be the usual routine of sun, surf, throw in a girl and a beer, and you had a winner!

The thought of his earlier conversation, was the only dampening factor in the whole equation.

“So what are your intentions?” she had enquired.

“What do you mean, my intentions?” he knew exactly what she meant. Being deliberately obtuse was second nature to him. Especially when it came to 'the lectures’ (as he referred to the ever-increasing advice she felt compelled to impart on a daily basis ).

“Well, I’ve noticed a rather disturbing pattern that has evolved. A predictable path that your life seems to have taken.” She stood in that characteristic ‘lecture’ pose, hands on hip, no-nonsense tone of voice.

The scary thing was- she had a valid point!

“I’m ONLY 25 years old. There’s plenty of time for me to do the ‘ultra-responsible-thingiemajiggie’ that you are always on about!” his quotation-mark fingers remained in mid-air.

She served this particular “meal of responsibility”, three times a day, for breakfast, lunch and supper: nag! nag! nag! Settle down, work hard, focus on your career!

“All in good time! All in good time!”

And she had given him that look… the one that said, this isn’t over yet… one of these days, my boy

He knew it sooooo well!

16 Comments

  1. angela on November 11, 2011 at 1:30 pm

    I can "hear" him, but I am having a bit of trouble figuring out the relationship.  His mom? 

    • Cameron on November 11, 2011 at 1:52 pm

      My gut says it's his mom. That or his annoyingly pulled together flat-mate. 

  2. Tina on November 11, 2011 at 1:55 pm

    I also had difficulty deciphering the relationship between them, but I winged it and went with mom.  Bonus points for the word "obtuse" in a very clever sentence.
    I enjoyed this!

  3. Lance on November 11, 2011 at 2:02 pm

    definitely his mom…only a wife or mother would "know" him so well and/or get such a physical reaction.
     
    good dialogue, liked it

  4. earlybird on November 11, 2011 at 3:02 pm

    His Mum. Definitely. 
    Is he following 'in his father's footsteps' maybe?

  5. Sara on November 11, 2011 at 4:45 pm

    I definitely got being a "mom" and child from the first line…"throw in a girl…"
    I loved the line "his quotation-mark fingers remained in mid-air." It's both a wonderful visual and a great picture of this relationship.
    This was a good and fun take on the prompt. I was very clear that is a conversation between a parent figure and a younger person. I liked it.

  6. Kelly K @ Writing with Chaos on November 11, 2011 at 5:10 pm

    I also have to go with the mother…

  7. The M Half on November 11, 2011 at 6:06 pm

    Well done! I can see the interaction clearly. It has to be his mom, or a counselor. Like a career counselor or a therapist, maybe.

  8. Venus on November 11, 2011 at 6:21 pm

    I got "mom" from that because of the "one of these days my boy".  I think you captured that feeling that one can only get from living with one's parents for WAY too long… 🙂  good job!

  9. January on November 11, 2011 at 7:22 pm

    I wasn't sure about who she was until "one of the days my boy"…I hope my boys never act like this!  😉  Nice job.

  10. Galit Breen on November 11, 2011 at 9:01 pm

    Ooh love this- the hand on hip description is perfect!
     
    Is this his Mama? Poor guy. 🙂

    • mish on November 12, 2011 at 7:24 am

      Thanks to everybody who popped in to read and comment. And yes, most of you were correct – it’s his mom! 🙂

  11. Stacey on November 12, 2011 at 4:21 pm

    I wasn’t sure until toward the end, but I would definitely say his mom. My one piece of concrit is actually the font. I found it a tad distracting and hard to read. (Maybe it’s just because I’m on my Ipad, but I thought I would mention it.)

    • mish on November 12, 2011 at 4:44 pm

      The font is comic sans – nobody has commented on the font before, so I assumed it is okay to read… it may be because of the Ipad.
      Thanks for bringing it to my attention.

  12. Nancy C on November 14, 2011 at 2:20 am

    I think what makes this relationship so engaging is how they anticipate each other's aruguments and reacions…as only those who know each other so well can do!
     

    • mish on November 14, 2011 at 6:56 pm

      Yes, they are ‘tuned in’ to one another and each one knows the other’s response.

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