Bluebell SSS Prompt No. 8 ~ There Are None So Blind …

                                             

"That's the same girl ! There she is !" He couldn't contain his excitement .

"Stop pointing ! It's rude !" She glared at him , annoyance written all over her face , flicked his finger .

Up ahead , about three rows from the front , two girls whispered , excitedly , faces hidden behind their programme booklets .

"She's the one I told you about . Remember ?"

"Sssh ! Stop staring ! Be quiet !"

"But why does she stare ? What does she see ?" It baffled him . He wondered about it . He'd done so ever since he noticed her passing by the house . There was only one road that led to the open field at the edge of the town ; and you had to pass by their place to get there .

"You know a lot ! Wish you'd pay as much attention to your studies !" The tone of voice indicated that the subject was closed . For the moment at least .

The master of ceremonies took his position behind the podium .

"She goes to the field … stands there and stares —-"

Two short , sharp jabs of the elbow was warning enough and seemed to do the trick . He fell silent .

A hush descended on the crowd . The annual contest was about to begin .

It was her , alright , without a doubt . The one with the red floral dress . She was troubled . That's for sure . I mean , which normal human being spends one hour , out in the field , under a merciless sun , no protection on her head , staring at who-on-earth-knows-what …? And believe you me , that midday sun can be a real scorcher . Forty degrees at times . It can really fry your brains . On the other hand , if your brains are already fried … well then , I suppose that would explain the 'weird' behaviour … Come to think of it , she hadn't passed by in the last three weeks … mmm … And now , there she was , sitting a few rows ahead . Perhaps she has been ill . Maybe sunstroke … the merciless forty degree sun will get you , sooner or later

The contest finally drew to an end . It was time for the final item . The curtain was raised . A lone figure was led onstage by one of the officials . She stared straight ahead . Her eyes were blank … yet focused on some far-off , distant place …

She began to speak , in a quiet , yet commanding tone :

We have eyes – but do not see …

Blinded by self-imposed limitations …

Comforted by hours spent gazing at a screen …

Dictated to by technology and machines .

We have ears – but do not listen …

Deafened by the roar of technology …

Overwhelmed by the hype of "white noise" …

Oblivious to the sounds of nature .

We speak – but fail to communicate …

Silenced by the social networking system …

Mutes – in – the – making …

Mouths rendered useless by incessant chirping and tweeting .

Check out the Bluebell Short Story Slam prompt at http://bluebellbooks.blogspot.com/2011/08/short-story-slam-week-8.html

46 Comments

  1. Manicddaily on August 20, 2011 at 2:10 pm

    Very interesting use of the prompt.  Certainly describes the modern Western world!

    • mish on August 20, 2011 at 7:24 pm

      Thank you – I couldn’t come up with anything else , try as I would … glad you found it interesting , at the very least …

  2. west lake on August 20, 2011 at 3:50 pm

     
    We have eyes – but do not see …
    Blinded by self-imposed limitations …
    Comforted by hours spent gazing at a screen …
    Dictated to by technology and machines .
     
     
    brilliant writing, you are very skilled and talented.

    • mish on August 20, 2011 at 7:26 pm

      I don’t usually respond with a poem . I don’t know what made me do so for this piece , especially a poem within the context of a story … ? Thanks for the kind words !

  3. JamieDedes on August 20, 2011 at 4:51 pm

    Profound and true. Well done, Mish. Very well done. Impressive piece … Write on …

    • mish on August 20, 2011 at 7:27 pm

      Thanks Jamie ! I will definitely be writing on …

  4. Jes on August 20, 2011 at 5:09 pm

    Loved the last line, Mish; fantastic

    • mish on August 20, 2011 at 7:29 pm

      Thanks for your thumbs up Jes ! I appreciate it !

  5. Mindsinger on August 20, 2011 at 5:17 pm

    Hi, MIsh, I read and reread your poem but could not connect the end with the beginning.   Nor the hot sun at 40 degrees.  Another planet, maybe? Centigrade maybe?  But the poem says what you meant it to say.  Raises a lot of questions; that's what a good poem does.  Good job.

    • mish on August 20, 2011 at 7:40 pm

      Yes , you are so right Mindsinger , it does appear to be slightly disconnected in terms of trying to piece the end with the beginning … mmm … I get what you mean … like something is missing at the end after the poem … maybe a small concluding paragraph to round it off … tie up the loose ends … ?
      But thanks for giving my poem the thumbs up !

  6. thingy on August 20, 2011 at 5:42 pm

    Brilliant write!  I see the irony as I write this on my chain of a computer. Maybe, I'll go take a walk, today. : )

    • mish on August 20, 2011 at 7:41 pm

      You are too kind ! I’m glad that you could recognise and appreciate the irony in the piece 🙂

  7. Daily Journey on August 20, 2011 at 6:12 pm

    Great write!
    Blessings

    • mish on August 20, 2011 at 7:42 pm

      Thank you . Blessings to you in return !

  8. the Cello String on August 20, 2011 at 11:34 pm

    fabulous of story and poetry, you rock…
     
    😉

    • mish on August 21, 2011 at 8:55 am

      Thanks for popping in and your kind comment … 🙂

  9. Marbles in My Pocket on August 21, 2011 at 1:20 am

    Awesome message, and told well. I agree!

    • mish on August 21, 2011 at 8:56 am

      Thank you Charles . I really enjoyed your story for this prompt . It was wonderful !

  10. Victoria on August 21, 2011 at 1:36 am

    I am so impressed, Mish–how you morphed into poetry. Beautiful play on the photo-prompt. Thanks for sharing this.

    • mish on August 21, 2011 at 8:58 am

      I don’t know what made me resort to a poem within a story . I just couldn’t get rid of the idea , no matter how I tried , so I went with it … and this is the result . Thanks Victoria .

  11. dan on August 21, 2011 at 2:42 am

    With words of wisdom, the girl told a message about judging others, jumping to conclusions, and seeing the world as it really is.   Your story and poem is indeed an inspiring message.  Well written.

    • mish on August 21, 2011 at 9:02 am

      Thank you Dan . I don’t think that the plot is clear enough … I suspect that it could have been tidied up , especially at the end . I’m glad the messages do shine through though …

  12. Nelson on August 21, 2011 at 3:20 am

     
    Very well written, thanks for sharing. Have a lovely sunday .Keep up the fantastic work! Visit me too. Greetings!

    • mish on August 21, 2011 at 9:03 am

      Thanks for your kind comments ! I will pop in to check out your work !

  13. Ina on August 21, 2011 at 8:18 am

    very good story, the girl was right 🙂

    • mish on August 21, 2011 at 9:05 am

      Thank you Ina . She relayed some important messages that we can all listen to . A reminder for everybody . 🙂

  14. Elizabeth on August 21, 2011 at 11:52 am

    Hello, Mish!  As I make the acquaintance of other writers in the Bluebell Books prompts I am so moved by the simple beauty of everyone's work and yours is no exception!  The poet's steady voice and vision is a moving contrast to the frenetic pace of the people in the audience….and it does speak volumes about engaging in the world around you. I cherish all my moments of stillness because I see so many incredible things when I do.  Lovely, lovely work! I really enjoyed it!
    Elizabeth

    • mish on August 21, 2011 at 12:10 pm

      Thank you for the beautiful words and appreciation for my writing Elizabeth ! It means a lot to me ! I’m so happy to “meet you” and yes , the Bluebell community is a wonderful and supportive mix of writers/bloggers/poets – a truly talented bunch ! 🙂

  15. poetryroad on August 21, 2011 at 11:55 am

    I really like how creative you were with the prompt. A story and a poem…nice!

    • mish on August 21, 2011 at 12:11 pm

      Thank you ! I tried a poem within a story … not sure if it worked well enough though … !

  16. Sharp Little Pencil on August 22, 2011 at 12:04 am

    Mish, you are too modest.  This is a startlingly good story.  To have her end up on the stage, with such prescient words to convey, left me breathless.  I loved this, loved it.  Amy
    http://sharplittlepencil.wordpress.com/2011/08/21/escape-can-be-forever-amy-winehouse/

    • mish on August 22, 2011 at 12:48 pm

      Now you have left me breathless … 🙂 Gosh , I didn’t expect such a strong response . I am humbled by your words . A thousand thank yous , Amy … you have made my day !!! *air punches in glee* 🙂

  17. bendedspoon on August 22, 2011 at 1:29 pm

    very clever take! message clearly heard 🙂

    • mish on August 22, 2011 at 6:26 pm

      Thank you for your kind words ! I really appreciate it … 🙂

  18. lolamouse on August 22, 2011 at 11:36 pm

    Your story kept me engaged throughout, wondering who this girl was. I loved the poetry at the end. Beautifully told.

    • mish on August 23, 2011 at 7:05 am

      I’m glad that you were engaged throughout the story … if I kept your attention , then I achieved my goal … thanks lolamouse

  19. e.a.s. demers on August 23, 2011 at 9:31 pm

    quite extraordinary! and so very true…. I love how you captured the world's failing humanity in so short a piece. well done 🙂

    • mish on August 24, 2011 at 4:33 am

      Thanks for popping in to check out my contribution ! I appreciate your wonderful comments ! 🙂

  20. Morning on August 25, 2011 at 6:14 pm

    what a comprehensive entry,
    superb words/poetry.
    keep it up.
    🙂

    • mish on August 25, 2011 at 6:47 pm

      Thank you for the kind comments ! 🙂

  21. Isadora on August 26, 2011 at 11:47 am

    It is fascinating to see what everyone does with the prompts. You were very clever in the way you did it. I love the fact that it was so very different and that that there was poetry, too.
    Well done …
    Isadora

    • mish on August 26, 2011 at 1:37 pm

      I took a chance and decided to go with the poem in the story ! Thanks for the vote of confidence in my efforts ! 🙂

  22. zongrik on August 30, 2011 at 7:03 pm

    I really liked this. "Why does she stare?" Yeah, I was wondering that too.  But you turned it into a story. toooo kewwwlll.

    • mish on August 30, 2011 at 9:33 pm

      My characters are always doing something weird … don’t ask me why … have no idea !! 🙂
      Thanks for taking time to read – your feedback is much appreciated ! Hope you swing by again …

  23. Brownpaperbaggirl on September 19, 2011 at 3:55 am

    I adore this. Truly.

    • mish on September 20, 2011 at 7:03 am

      Thanks for popping in and leaving a comment !

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