Bluebell SSS Prompt No. 8 ~ There Are None So Blind …
"That's the same girl ! There she is !" He couldn't contain his excitement .
"Stop pointing ! It's rude !" She glared at him , annoyance written all over her face , flicked his finger .
Up ahead , about three rows from the front , two girls whispered , excitedly , faces hidden behind their programme booklets .
"She's the one I told you about . Remember ?"
"Sssh ! Stop staring ! Be quiet !"
"But why does she stare ? What does she see ?" It baffled him . He wondered about it . He'd done so ever since he noticed her passing by the house . There was only one road that led to the open field at the edge of the town ; and you had to pass by their place to get there .
"You know a lot ! Wish you'd pay as much attention to your studies !" The tone of voice indicated that the subject was closed . For the moment at least .
The master of ceremonies took his position behind the podium .
"She goes to the field … stands there and stares —-"
Two short , sharp jabs of the elbow was warning enough and seemed to do the trick . He fell silent .
A hush descended on the crowd . The annual contest was about to begin .
It was her , alright , without a doubt . The one with the red floral dress . She was troubled . That's for sure . I mean , which normal human being spends one hour , out in the field , under a merciless sun , no protection on her head , staring at who-on-earth-knows-what …? And believe you me , that midday sun can be a real scorcher . Forty degrees at times . It can really fry your brains . On the other hand , if your brains are already fried … well then , I suppose that would explain the 'weird' behaviour … Come to think of it , she hadn't passed by in the last three weeks … mmm … And now , there she was , sitting a few rows ahead . Perhaps she has been ill . Maybe sunstroke … the merciless forty degree sun will get you , sooner or later …
The contest finally drew to an end . It was time for the final item . The curtain was raised . A lone figure was led onstage by one of the officials . She stared straight ahead . Her eyes were blank … yet focused on some far-off , distant place …
She began to speak , in a quiet , yet commanding tone :
We have eyes – but do not see …
Blinded by self-imposed limitations …
Comforted by hours spent gazing at a screen …
Dictated to by technology and machines .
We have ears – but do not listen …
Deafened by the roar of technology …
Overwhelmed by the hype of "white noise" …
Oblivious to the sounds of nature .
We speak – but fail to communicate …
Silenced by the social networking system …
Mutes – in – the – making …
Mouths rendered useless by incessant chirping and tweeting .
Check out the Bluebell Short Story Slam prompt at http://bluebellbooks.blogspot.com/2011/08/short-story-slam-week-8.html
Very interesting use of the prompt. Certainly describes the modern Western world!
Thank you – I couldn’t come up with anything else , try as I would … glad you found it interesting , at the very least …
We have eyes – but do not see …
Blinded by self-imposed limitations …
Comforted by hours spent gazing at a screen …
Dictated to by technology and machines .
brilliant writing, you are very skilled and talented.
I don’t usually respond with a poem . I don’t know what made me do so for this piece , especially a poem within the context of a story … ? Thanks for the kind words !
Profound and true. Well done, Mish. Very well done. Impressive piece … Write on …
Thanks Jamie ! I will definitely be writing on …
Loved the last line, Mish; fantastic
Thanks for your thumbs up Jes ! I appreciate it !
Hi, MIsh, I read and reread your poem but could not connect the end with the beginning. Nor the hot sun at 40 degrees. Another planet, maybe? Centigrade maybe? But the poem says what you meant it to say. Raises a lot of questions; that's what a good poem does. Good job.
Yes , you are so right Mindsinger , it does appear to be slightly disconnected in terms of trying to piece the end with the beginning … mmm … I get what you mean … like something is missing at the end after the poem … maybe a small concluding paragraph to round it off … tie up the loose ends … ?
But thanks for giving my poem the thumbs up !
Brilliant write! I see the irony as I write this on my chain of a computer. Maybe, I'll go take a walk, today. : )
You are too kind ! I’m glad that you could recognise and appreciate the irony in the piece 🙂
Great write!
Blessings
Thank you . Blessings to you in return !
fabulous of story and poetry, you rock…
😉
Thanks for popping in and your kind comment … 🙂
Awesome message, and told well. I agree!
Thank you Charles . I really enjoyed your story for this prompt . It was wonderful !
I am so impressed, Mish–how you morphed into poetry. Beautiful play on the photo-prompt. Thanks for sharing this.
I don’t know what made me resort to a poem within a story . I just couldn’t get rid of the idea , no matter how I tried , so I went with it … and this is the result . Thanks Victoria .
With words of wisdom, the girl told a message about judging others, jumping to conclusions, and seeing the world as it really is. Your story and poem is indeed an inspiring message. Well written.
Thank you Dan . I don’t think that the plot is clear enough … I suspect that it could have been tidied up , especially at the end . I’m glad the messages do shine through though …
Very well written, thanks for sharing. Have a lovely sunday .Keep up the fantastic work! Visit me too. Greetings!
Thanks for your kind comments ! I will pop in to check out your work !
very good story, the girl was right 🙂
Thank you Ina . She relayed some important messages that we can all listen to . A reminder for everybody . 🙂
Hello, Mish! As I make the acquaintance of other writers in the Bluebell Books prompts I am so moved by the simple beauty of everyone's work and yours is no exception! The poet's steady voice and vision is a moving contrast to the frenetic pace of the people in the audience….and it does speak volumes about engaging in the world around you. I cherish all my moments of stillness because I see so many incredible things when I do. Lovely, lovely work! I really enjoyed it!
Elizabeth
Thank you for the beautiful words and appreciation for my writing Elizabeth ! It means a lot to me ! I’m so happy to “meet you” and yes , the Bluebell community is a wonderful and supportive mix of writers/bloggers/poets – a truly talented bunch ! 🙂
I really like how creative you were with the prompt. A story and a poem…nice!
Thank you ! I tried a poem within a story … not sure if it worked well enough though … !
Mish, you are too modest. This is a startlingly good story. To have her end up on the stage, with such prescient words to convey, left me breathless. I loved this, loved it. Amy
http://sharplittlepencil.wordpress.com/2011/08/21/escape-can-be-forever-amy-winehouse/
Now you have left me breathless … 🙂 Gosh , I didn’t expect such a strong response . I am humbled by your words . A thousand thank yous , Amy … you have made my day !!! *air punches in glee* 🙂
very clever take! message clearly heard 🙂
Thank you for your kind words ! I really appreciate it … 🙂
Your story kept me engaged throughout, wondering who this girl was. I loved the poetry at the end. Beautifully told.
I’m glad that you were engaged throughout the story … if I kept your attention , then I achieved my goal … thanks lolamouse
quite extraordinary! and so very true…. I love how you captured the world's failing humanity in so short a piece. well done 🙂
Thanks for popping in to check out my contribution ! I appreciate your wonderful comments ! 🙂
what a comprehensive entry,
superb words/poetry.
keep it up.
🙂
Thank you for the kind comments ! 🙂
It is fascinating to see what everyone does with the prompts. You were very clever in the way you did it. I love the fact that it was so very different and that that there was poetry, too.
Well done …
Isadora
I took a chance and decided to go with the poem in the story ! Thanks for the vote of confidence in my efforts ! 🙂
I really liked this. "Why does she stare?" Yeah, I was wondering that too. But you turned it into a story. toooo kewwwlll.
My characters are always doing something weird … don’t ask me why … have no idea !! 🙂
Thanks for taking time to read – your feedback is much appreciated ! Hope you swing by again …
I adore this. Truly.
Thanks for popping in and leaving a comment !