Notice: Function _load_textdomain_just_in_time was called incorrectly. Translation loading for the it-l10n-ithemes-security-pro domain was triggered too early. This is usually an indicator for some code in the plugin or theme running too early. Translations should be loaded at the init action or later. Please see Debugging in WordPress for more information. (This message was added in version 6.7.0.) in /home/writerintrans/public_html/wp-includes/functions.php on line 6114
THE CHRYSALIS EXPERIMENT ~ PROMPT # 17 – Writer In Transit

THE CHRYSALIS EXPERIMENT ~ PROMPT # 17

My story last week was chosen as Pick Of The Week . If you didn't get a chance to read it , you can do so by clicking on the following : http://writer-in-transit.co.za/chrysalis-experiment-prompt-16/  This is my contribution for prompt no. # 17 …

THIS MIGHT NOT BE THE BEST TIME FOR GETTING PHILOSOPHICAL

It was Friday afternoon . Last-minute clients stood patiently , awaiting their turn which seemed like it would never come . Some stood like statues frozen in time , lost in their own thoughts and oblivious to the surrounding hustle and bustle, moving along automatically as a teller called to the next client . Others shifted restlessly , complained in muted tones , wondering what the hold-up at the front of the line was all about . The busy atmosphere mixed with the sense of urgency and impatience increased with every passing minute . There were only 2 hours left . The banks would be closed for the next four days which included a long-weekend and public holidays .

The steady hum of business was interspersed with the shuffle of feet as the line shortened little by little . Music played softly in the background in an attempt to balance the tension . Drawers opened and shut , fingers tapped out figures on the keyboard , the incessant clackety-clack an indication that the tellers were working non-stop . A man coughed , an elderly woman zipped her purse . Somewhere in the distance , the whirr of a fax machine could be heard , spitting out reams of paper . Heels clicked across the pine-scented floor as a banker hurried in the direction of the manager’s office . The air-conditioning vents purred , a steady soothing stream of cool air quite at odds with the tired , edgy clients .

At the far end of the line , a well-dressed man in a business suit exchanged a few words with the person behind him . Three places behind , a holidaymaker kitted out in floral baggy trunks and beach slops frowned at the man in the suit . He was annoyed about something . An elderly woman with purple-tinted hair turned to the suit with her hands on her hips . A security guard on the main floor made his way slowly in the direction of the group . Eyes turned to the man in the floral trunks .

The next 3 minutes passed in a blur . A scuffle brewed . Somebody lunged forward . The purple-tinted head muttered an expletive . The security reached the hot spot in seconds .  Somebody screamed . Heads turned to the source of the commotion . A single shot rang out . Panic erupted . People ran towards the exit . An elderly man crumpled and slid to the floor . Two youngsters propped him up against a recliner . A woman bent over and proceeded to fan his face with a delicate hand-made fan . A young woman consoled a distraught woman while the husband sheltered their two toddlers .

The baggy pants hooked a young man under the chin . A gun was pointed to his head . He dragged him to the nearby stairwell which led to the basement floor . Another man kept his gun trained on the purple-tinted head , the young girl who accompanied her and the businessman in the suit .  He moved the gun from one to the other in quick succession and nodded in the same direction as the other gunman .The chaos subsided slightly . Everybody looked around . In a flash ,the gunmen and their captives disappeared around the corner .The onlookers were baffled .The two gun-wielding men had ignored the tellers .This was not a normal bank hold-up . As soon as they were out of sight , everybody tried to talk at the same time . Security ushered people quickly in the direction of the main exit . And within 5 minutes , the banking floor had been cleared …

                       *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *    *

The day had started out bad . Everything that could possibly go wrong , had gone wrong . He had woken up late . His girl-friend had come in from an all-night party just as he rubbed the last remnants of sleep from his burning eyes . A throbbing head-ache was the result of over-indulging with some friends the previous evening . He couldn’t find his good , old faithful sneakers that came to the rescue whenever he needed them . Hot coffee scalded his wrist as he knocked the mug while reaching for his cell phone on the table . The call was the cherry on top of the cake . He had been fired . His boss had informed him , via a phone call , that he did not need to report for duty after the long weekend . The Jack Russell chose that precise moment to trot in with the missing shoe in his mouth . It was covered in mud and dirt . Max hurled the phone at the wall . It missed his girlfriend , Rita , who had just come out of the shower with a towel wrapped around her , bounced against the wall and fell on to the couch . He was frustrated and annoyed . The long weekend stretched ahead , the banks would be full and he wondered if he would get there in time …

                         *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

The gunmen forced their captives down the stairwell , along a corridor and into the vault .

“Easy mister , I don’t think I’m going anywhere else …” Mavis Cornwall was agitated as the gunman ushered her roughly into the room . She plonked down in the furthermost corner . A purple strand fell across her flushed cheek . “I think you got it all wrong . What on earth are WE doing here ? Aren’t you guys supposed to hold up the tellers ? You know the people I’m talking about ? The ones who sit behind the counter-tops and issue the money to bank clients ?”

Her captor and baggy pants had retreated to the opposite end of the room . They spoke in low , urgent tones .

“What are you looking at ?” She glared at the businessman . “Somebody’s got to say or do something . We need to know what’s the deal , why they’ve captured us .”

“Keep it zipped lady.” Her captor waved the gun in her direction .”You’ll find out soon enough !”

She glared at him .

“I’m s-s-s-scared ,” whispered her niece . She huddled closer to Mavis who placed a protective arm around her shoulder .

“There dear , you just relax and let Aunt Mavis take care of the bad guys ,” she coaxed and patted her shoulder .

“Are you going to ignore us forever ?” Silence had never been one of Mavis’ stronger qualities .

“Shut it lady !” The baggy pants shoved the gun towards her face , his bulging forearm muscles tense and strained . With a clenched jaw , his eyes burned through her …

“Whoa ! Easy , easy there cowboy .”

“ So the suit found his tongue , brilliant .” Mavis leaned back . She glared at the gun . It took more than a gun to intimidate her .

“What do you do anyway ?”

“I’m in the movie business . It’s Charles Minter . And could you please just keep it down for a minute …”

The baggy pants paced , up and down , up and down …  He seemed unsettled . He rubbed his gun-wielding upper arm in a brisk , jerky manner . From time to time , he stopped and pointed the weapon at his captives …

“Now Charles – may I call you Charles ? “ She leaned forward in a conspiratorial manner . “ Isn’t this the perfect setting for one of your movies ? It doesn’t get any better , does it ? By the way , you can call me Mavis .”

“Mavis , I’m really glad to meet you . I wonder if you could do me a favour ,” he had a thoughtful gleam in his eye ,” keep this information to yourself . And yes , you may call me Charles .”

She sat back , deep in thought . The niece lay at an awkward angle , neck stretched and cheek up against her aunt’s shoulder.

They had forgotten about the other young man . He sat in a foetal position , rubbing his bruised chin .

“Are you okay ?” She turned to him , a look of concern on her face . “I’m Mavis and this is Charles , he’s in the movie business .” She leaned over the young man .

“Move away from him ! And quit the constant jabbering !” the menacing tone came from the baggy pants . His eyes glazed over . He held the palms of his hands to his temple . “I need to think ! Think ! Think ! Dammit !” He hit his flat open palms against his head .She exchanged a few quick words with the youngster .

“Did somebody mention movie business ?” Her captor sauntered over and crouched in front of Charles . “You got any money Mr. Movie Man ?"

At the other end of the room , baggy pants muttered to himself , wringing his hands , shaking his head and gritting his teeth .

“What’s wrong with him ?” She was curious .

“Well , amongst other things , Max just lost his job and his girlfriend walked out on him .”

“Charles here is in the movies . Maybe he could organise something . Actually , I just mentioned to him that we are the perfect setting for one of his movies . Don’t you agree ? Imagine , the story of a bank robbery minus the tellers being held up for money ! That one hasn’t been done before , has it Charles ? We’re definitely onto something here .”

Max stood in front of a metal cabinet . He rested his forehead against the door . His heart thumped loudly in his chest …

Mavis was all business . “What do you say Charles ? Think you could come up with something ? You could get Max and Trent involved ,” she motioned to the youngster who ignored them ,” maybe as extras … or something … gophers … you know the guys who run around ? They go for this and go for that …” she ended lamely .

“I think that Charles and I should have a little chat – a private  one-on-one …” the gunman pushed him roughly and motioned towards a spot in the opposite corner .

Max knocked his head against the cabinet door . One , two , three … He was a ticking time bomb …

Trent began to moan . Tiny sobs escaped his compressed lips .

Max ceased his head banging . After about ten seconds it continued …

“I need the toilet ,” her niece whispered in a panicky voice .

“Sshh dear , not now , not now , later … just give us a little time . We’re sorting out some important business details .”

“Everybody SHUT UP !” Max was clearly at his wits end . He swung around and aimed the gun at the group , waved it from side to side , unfocused and erratic .

The tension was palpable . Max lunged at Trent and hit the butt of the gun hard on his head .

Mavis started . Her niece whimpered softly and began to rock herself in a steady rhythm , back and forth , back and forth …

“Don't worry dear ," Mavis re-assured the unresponsive Trent , " Charles will sort out the finer details of the deal and we’ll all get a part in the upcoming movie .”

A knowing smile spread across her lips .

2 Comments

  1. Trisha on May 9, 2011 at 2:10 am

    Okay, this Mavis chick is weird!! LOL. Great story ,but again it feels unfinished 😉 Are you starting lots of new novels with this Experiment?? hehe

    • mish on May 9, 2011 at 1:35 pm

      Good question … it’s like my own Novel Starter Experiment … hehe
      On a serious note , I don’t think I’ve written a full short story yet … I will have to re-think my approach to the experiment and make some changes …

Leave a Comment


Notice: Undefined variable: user_ID in /home/writerintrans/public_html/wp-content/themes/bb-theme/comments.php on line 69





Notice: ob_end_flush(): failed to send buffer of zlib output compression (0) in /home/writerintrans/public_html/wp-includes/functions.php on line 5464