Five Sentence Fiction #17 – DETOUR

What it’s all about: Five Sentence Fiction is about packing a powerful punch in a tiny fist. Each week the hostess will post a one word inspiration, then anyone wishing to participate will write a five sentence story based on the prompt word. The word does not have to appear in your five sentences, just use it for direction.

                                                            

 Bob's so-called map turned out to be nothing more than a few horizontal and vertical bisecting strokes, which he consulted with the utmost care.

We were already way off course trying to negotiate unnavigable terrain fraught with unknown obstacles; so when the tiny vehicle hit a boulder, wobbled, made a desperate attempt to avoid a pothole, spluttered and shuddered to a standstill, a dreaded silence settled.

Nothing stirred.

The glare of the foglights revealed a wooden structure.

It jutted from the ground, a crude and makeshift sign, roughly-hewn, tilted to the left like a reluctant, bad-postured nightwatchman on overtime duty.

37 Comments

  1. Alex J. Cavanaugh on October 14, 2012 at 12:30 pm

    They should've made that left turn at Albuquerque.

    • michelle on October 14, 2012 at 9:18 pm

      Try telling that to Bob! 🙂

  2. Medeia Sharif on October 14, 2012 at 12:38 pm

    Uh-oh. I've been lost, but never stuck like this.
    Great piece.

    • michelle on October 14, 2012 at 9:19 pm

      This is really a classic case of being stuck in the middle of nowhere…

  3. Shelly on October 14, 2012 at 1:49 pm

    I failed every map test known to man in school. Great piece as usual.
    Hugs and chocolate,
    Shelly
     

    • michelle on October 14, 2012 at 9:20 pm

      Geography/mapwork wasn't my strong point either…

  4. Mil Hlmes on October 14, 2012 at 3:47 pm

    Who was riding shotgun?

    • michelle on October 14, 2012 at 9:22 pm

       A clueless co-driver, of course. 🙂 I'm not divulging his/her identity. LOL.

  5. Sarah Mac on October 14, 2012 at 6:46 pm

    Every mapI look at is just a selection of lines to me 😉 – I absolutely loved that last line!

    • michelle on October 14, 2012 at 9:24 pm

      I'm not very good with maps either. Thank you Sarah. 🙂

  6. Wayne Assiratti on October 14, 2012 at 9:32 pm

    I like this. I want to know what the sign says!

  7. The Golden Eagle on October 14, 2012 at 9:43 pm

    Being lost is not fun . . . hope the characters find their way out of wherever they are. 🙂

  8. Julie on October 14, 2012 at 9:52 pm

    Another winner! The last line is my favorite!

  9. Sherry Ellis on October 14, 2012 at 11:50 pm

    Great imagery!

  10. tara tyler on October 15, 2012 at 10:59 am

    excellent descriptive scene! creepy! great job!

  11. michelle on October 15, 2012 at 2:43 pm

    @Wayne ~ it says "detour: this way…"

    @Golden Eagle ~ well, I think it's going to take them a while to figure out something…

    @Julie ~ thanks Julie.

    @Sherry ~ glad the imagery captured your attention.

    @Tara ~ creepy is the response I had hoped for…

  12. L. Diane Wolfe on October 15, 2012 at 5:02 pm

    Now which way?

    • michelle on October 16, 2012 at 5:09 am

      Mmmm… good question!

  13. Andrew Swingler on October 15, 2012 at 5:05 pm

    Spookery at its finest. I'm sure it will be mere moments now until the ghouls arrive.

    • michelle on October 16, 2012 at 5:11 am

      Ha! Give me the ghouls. The alternative is a deranged psycho/serial-killer-on-the-prowl… 🙂

  14. Rachna Chhabria on October 15, 2012 at 5:10 pm

    Love the 5 lines. Wonderful imagery, Michelle!

    • michelle on October 16, 2012 at 5:11 am

      Thanks Rachna!

  15. Jennifer S. Pitts on October 15, 2012 at 8:20 pm

    Don't go in there! Haven't they ever heard Hotel California!?! Great story :p

    • michelle on October 16, 2012 at 5:14 am

      Mmm, great song with some awesome lyrics… this could be heaven or this could be hell… which one? Thanks Jennifer.

  16. mary aalgaard on October 15, 2012 at 8:51 pm

    Sometimes our instincts are better than any map, or gps device.

    • michelle on October 16, 2012 at 5:15 am

      Yep, that gut feeling should be followed… it's 99% spot on…

  17. Tyrean on October 15, 2012 at 11:17 pm

    Love the imagery and the way you've set the scene for even more excitement!

    • michelle on October 16, 2012 at 5:17 am

      The adventure… or is it nightmare?… is only beginning…

  18. injaynesworld on October 15, 2012 at 11:31 pm

    I don't normally tout the merits of SUVs, but in this case…
    🙂

    • michelle on October 16, 2012 at 5:19 am

      I'm with you on this one…  rough terrain = 4X4… 🙂

  19. Lynda R. Young on October 16, 2012 at 3:51 am

    woops 😉

    • michelle on October 16, 2012 at 5:20 am

      *chuckles* Woops… is the appropriate response! Wish them luck…

  20. Lisa Shambrook on October 16, 2012 at 2:21 pm

    Wouldn't want to be in that car!

    • michelle on October 16, 2012 at 6:25 pm

      I so agree! 🙂 Thanks Lisa!

  21. Carol Kilgore on October 16, 2012 at 2:34 pm

    I think they followed a creekbed instead of a road!

    • michelle on October 16, 2012 at 6:27 pm

      Creekbed? I'll have to google it, to see exactly what it is…  🙂

  22. J.L. Campbell on October 17, 2012 at 1:13 am

    I'll bet wasn't on the trip and didn't get lost in the dead of night. 😀

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