Write… Edit… Publish: Moving On
Welcome to the monthly bloghop hosted by Denise Covey over at Write… Edit… Publish…
You are welcome to submit any of the following – flash fiction, poetry, non-fiction, playscripts to a word count of 1,000 words OR artwork and photographs accompanied by your written inspiration in creating your works. There's something to suit every taste! Go and check it out!
Post Relationship Reflections
A pink and black polka dot pyjama set. A lone sock looks out of place, quite forlorn. The partner MIA. Where on earth does the lost sock get to? Lost Sock Island? Have you ever wondered about that?
A ticket stub from the Annual Equine Awards. My first and last visit to the race track. Horseracing was never my thing.
Some pictures. A four-legged cutie, sporting fashionable sunglasses peers from a photo frame. The yellow shades are sunshiney yellow. A sunshine moment together with You Are The Sunshine Of My Life, blaring from the nearby radio. You never did get over that pooch.
Lottery tickets. How I hate gambling. You cannot win. You're not meant to win, not the average-man-on-the-street… Anyway, they say that money attracts money. Mmmm, makes me wonder. You did take off with Ms. Moneybags. It wasn't about the money, not from her side anyway…
Sticky post-its (minus the sticky factor) pop out from the corner of a rectangular cherrywood box. Mementoes of a communication phase, necessitated by erratic shiftwork. We became like two ships passing in the night. I think that marked the beginning of the end…
Sticks of gum. Makes me think of bubbles, not the sticky ones, the soapy ones. Standing side by side, lost in the domestic archetype created when you stand together at the kitchen sink. A delusional domestic dance to the music of cutlery and glasses submerged in warm soapy water…
Wistfulness is part of my nature. Not by choice though.
Here's choice: My parting words became the pin-prick that burst the bubble of your ever-inflating ego.
Ready for twenty questions? It became our favourite leisure activity. Have you cancelled our joint account? Does she know about your quirky morning schedule? Did you take my black sweater? Will you send me a wedding invitation? Do you think I'll attend? Did we really resolve our issues? Could I have tried harder? Do you really love her? You know my black and white cup? The one from Paris depicting the Eiffel Tower? Will you send it to me when you find the time?
(351 words)
So what do you think? I look forward to a full critique if you're so inclined. A simple comment will also do just fine.
All those questions, is that all it comes down to at the end of a relationship – I think we've all felt this at some point in our lives.
I suppose the questions form part of the process of trying to make sense of it all…?
Will she tell him to go to hell if he comes back?
I like the way you ran through the items, pinning a memory on each one.
Does she want him to come back? Mmmm. Perhaps, on some level… though he's moved on to "greener pastures" (in his mind…)
Oh, this is definitely emotionally packed! I love the images you evoke, and how tied they are to different memories. Really well done!
Thanks Meradeth. I imagined the woman going through a box of stuff containing "remnants" of this former relationship…
Lottery tickets are so stupid. I dread going into a sore on Wednesday and Saturday as the lines strecth across the store for the rubes who just fell off the turnup truck and want to win millions.
On a personal note, I am NOT a gambler. Not in any form. I feel that I work TOO hard for my money, to go and waste it on casino machines, the horses, or any other forms of gambling. The man-on-the-street is NOT meant to win. And I think it's manipulated anyway…
Lots of questions! Hey, I saw you were one of the winners in the Kissing Blog fest. Congratulations! I'm impressed – your first time trying to write a scene like that, and you pulled it off! You're so talented!
Thank you Sherry! I had such a good time writing that scene! A real learning curve… and look at the result? I surprised myself.
The lesson learned? We never know until we try!
I think I'll just copy your questions. They speak to me!
Ah! Seems like the questions resonated with lots of people… they have a sense of familiarity…
I love how you made it a list of memories and the questions that could come up. Thanks for sharing!
Moving on always leads to reflection… what has been… what's left behind…
Terribly insightful. I love this piece. And I hate it. It makes me want to cry. =( Better go eat some cheese.
Your response means that my job is done. Yes, cheese will do the trick! Enjoy…
Wow, Michelle. Loved this! My favorite line? "A delusional domestic dance to the music of cutlery and glasses submerged in warm soapy water… " Just stunning!
All the little detials- the inane yet emotinally charged moments contained in them- just brilliantly done.
Thanks for your wonderful comment Bev! I really enjoy this style of reflective writing and always seem to gravitate towards it. Next time, I must try something different. Maybe some dialogue.
Hey, Michelle, sounds like this couple grew apart. I guess as with anything else, a lot of questions come when things end and we're not 100% sure why the did.
I think that sometimes there's no specific reason why it ends. There are scenarios where factors beyond human control take centre stage, and no one is to blame. Not directly, anyway…
So evocative of relationships and their endings. Well written.
Thank you Kelly!
This made me sad. And possibly a little pissed off. I feel for her. Well done.
I like that. Sad AND pissed off. It's good if a piece can stir a range of emotions… 🙂
I really like this Michelle. Artfully done. And 20 questions is played on a regular basis at our house–tho it tends to be more like 200 questions. 😉
I was trying to think of a suitable way to end my piece, and the 20-question idea popped into my head. I wasn't sure if it would fit into the piece… 🙂
Michelle, thanks for tagging me on fb when you posted. I read your post on my phone but at the moment it won't let me comment, so I got some shuteye instead.
You've delivered up a well-polished, fully-edited satisfying piece of flash fiction. I can't fault it, and obviously no one else can. Your writing shows talent, which seems effortless, but I'm sure it's not. Your slow reveal of the contents of a relationship and how it deteriorated was masterful. Readers love these miniature of everyday life they can relate to. I didn't miss the personification and alliteration and well-wrought imagery. Delicious.
And CONGRATS on your prize in the kissing 'fest. And for someone who said she doesn't 'do' kiss scenes! You are super talented.
I hope all this praise doesn't go to your head, lol!! I thank you for posting for WEP and hope you will continue in the future. HAUNTING should be HUGE I hope anyway!!
Denise
Denise you are a star! Thank you for your wonderful crit of my piece.
Effortless writing? That's a great compliment. I'd love to think so. But no, I let ideas simmer… and then add some more… then more simmering… then adding and subtracting… and tweaking till I cannot tweak anymore. And still I'm not sure if a piece is ready for human consumption. I think I'm a bit of a perfectionist in this sense… in a self-annoying way… don't know if it's a good or bad thing…
Delicious! *giggles* Well, I always say that words have sound, taste, texture… glad you found my imagery to be delicious. 🙂
No, it will DEFINITELY NOT go to my head. I have sooooo much to still learn.
Michelle, I'm glad you enjoyed my critique.
This is really interesting. I liked Alex's comment. Lol! She better get her cup back. She should just go to their place and take it and not say a word. 🙂
Yes, she should. That cup is special to her! 🙂
A sad piece packed with a lot of emotion, this is great.
Thanks Nick. Great to see you around. Hope you and the family are well! Happy Writing!
Wow, really well done! Congratulations, on your kissing win and on this.
Thanks Yolanda! I'm quite chuffed!
I liked the twenty questions ending.
Thanks Tony! Welcome to my place! 🙂
Hi Michelle – well you certainly conjoured up a lot of memories … not the good kind, the tear jerking sort .. the tears that well up sort … wracking our bodies, as they surge forth ..
Very well written .. but fun to read (sad to say!) .. cheers Hilary
Hilary, your comment made me smile. It seems like the piece played tug-o-war with your emotions! That's a good thing? Isn't it?
Oh those photographs. Lovely piece Michelle!
Thank you Eve!
Oh so sad, yet so familiar. The sticky notes really got me. Had a relationship with a colleague and we'd leave sticky notes in each others mailboxes. I had stacks of them. It was nearly impossible to throw them out, the remnants of a love gone, and how brightly it used to burn. I finally, literally, burned them. And gave his clothes to Goodwill…and started the long-term repair work on my heart…This was a really great piece. Love the soap suds and music of the cutlery lines. Brilliant.
Tina @ <a href = "http://kmdlifeisgood.blogspot.com/">Life is Good</a>
Oh Tina. Thank you. 🙂
I think lots of people could identify with something in this piece. We've all experienced "relationship blues" at different levels, at some stage in our lives.
Nice work. The soap bubbles on the sink as a delusion of domestic bliss – I like that.
Thank you Armchair Squid!
My pleasure. I look forward to reading more of your work in future months.
From lost socks to dancing soap bubbles, you really packed a whallop in this one! You made every emotion ring true in your own rhythmic style. Congrats also on your prize for the kissing blog contest Michelle! You are really on a roll!
Thanks Julie. I was surprised (and quite thrilled too…) to discover that I placed second in the "kissing scene" contest. There were soooo many awesome snippets…
Now I'm thinking that maybe I need to contextualise the kissing scene, by writing the story… just a short story, mind you…
Very well crafted and evocative. The questions are haunting!
Thank you Nilanjana!
Hi, Michelle,
Really enjoyed this flash fictoin piece…. Such spot on questions. The tone is wonderufl in this piece… Well done and Congrats on your win!!!!
thank you Michael! 🙂
Lots of emotion in such a short piece–very nice!
Thanks Lara! 🙂
Hi Michelle
I love how you combined all these emotions in little snippets of her thoughts. Very unique. I didn't see anything off.
I've posted mine.
Nancy
Thank you Nancy. I'm off to check it out——-
I like the questions at the end. I'm really in this character's thoughts.
Glad you were in the thought process… 🙂
Very interesting way to reflect on an ending relationship. I felt the frustration and will to move on.
……dhole
I think that a barrage of questions are inevitable, amidst the confusion and pain of a broken relationship…
Sounds like she hasn't fully moved on – but is getting there.
It's a process… step-by-step… and I wonder, when does somebody know that he/she is totally over a loved one?
Some individuals move on, and unresolved issues linger… never to be fully resolved (in some cases…)
A beautiful yet sad look at the mementos of a lost relationship. I believe we've all had moments when we've run across the boxes, drawers, or suitcases from love long ago. Well written. The entire piece created vivid word pictures. I especially like how staccato it all reads; very true to life when it comes to the questions that follow something like this.
Jen, thank you for the feedback! I appreciate it. 🙂 And I see you've signed up for the WEP October Bloghop…
Those questions do make an appearance when we're told to move on but just can't. I felt her predicament and it can be so frustrating.
I suppose we try to make some sense of it all… and questioning is a part of the process, as we try to work it out… and wonder, where when and how did it all go wrong…?
That was poignant. I liked how you laid it out. And how, in the end, it came down to a simple set of questions.
Ha! A simple set of questions for a familiar and not-so-simple situation… 🙂
Michelle, I really loved this. It almost seems like a way to shield him/herself from the pain, to take the relationship and condense it into nothing but a practical list of items and memories. But at the same time, those items and memories can't be separated from the emotions attached to them. Gorgeous!
Julie, thank you for the wonderful words. When I wrote the piece, I didn't think of it in this way… being a way to shield the pain, that is… 🙂
I think that your short text describes the confusion of breaking up very well. Suddenly a lot of little details get other kinds of meaning. Mementos of a relationship that has ended. What next? Which is why this is a good theme for the challenge 'Moving on..'
However, I do hope that you will have time to write a longer text next time. Take advantage of the 1000 word limit we have.
Best wishes,
Anna
<a href="http://annas-adornments.blogspot.se/2013/09/write-edit-publish-challenge-for.html">Anna's W-E-P-Challenge for September: Moving on…</a>
Yes, I need to take advantage of the 1000 word limit. You are so right. The problem is that I'm so accustomed to writing micro fiction (the shorter, the better), that I automatically "wrap up" a short piece before it has a chance to develop… I need to work on it… thank you for the reminder Anna!
Nailed it. There are always questions at the end, especially after having time for it to really soak in. Great post!
Thanks Lisa! Yes, it seems inevitable that there are questions at the end… individuals cannot just let it be… and move on without questions…
Finally getting around to reading the other posts for WEP this month. This was a great read – I found it very moving, and I could picture all the things you were describing. I liked how the last paragraph just really brough it home.
I need to get around to the last few WEP posts. Gosh, I've been lagging for the last week or so… family commitments… hopefully I'm back to some "semblance of normality" early next week…
When you can touch as many hearts as you have with this prose, you know you are very talented! Thanks for visiting my blog and caring enough to stay and chat. 🙂
Thank you for the generous words. They mean a lot… and make me think that I'm getting somewhere with my writing… 🙂 Oh, and I love to chat… just that there's never enough time…
Okay, I'm very emotinal now 🙁
Great piece, Michelle!
I'm so glad that my words have that kind of power… to move a reader to emotion… 🙂 thank you S.Katherine.
I like the snippets of description. Done so skilfully and weaved in with the character's thoughts. Unique voice. Thanks for your comments over at mine.
Thank you Adura!
I think you did a great job at reflecting what it feels like at the end of a relationship.
I like how you have the leftover detritus bringing up the memories of the relationship and how those things led to the end. And the questions at the end were great – the kind of thing that go round and round your head at night and you can't turn them off.
Fun bloghop! Nice too, to read your contribution. Brings all sorts of memories and ideas to mind. One of these days I just might participate in a hop like this. 🙂